Doing what I love….and loving the money I make…day 2 of the next 45 days
I woke up today with a huge fear in my chest and throat. What if this experiment doesn’t work as well the next 45 days. What if it was just a fluke? What if I’m wrong in thinking that love is really the answer? Guess i didn’t overcome my fear of the bank yesterday. I was right. I got home and talked to my husband about our finances and he reported that the downturn in the stock market and the real estate market had wiped out half of our investments. Now how does this fit in with the experiment. I don’t feel much love right now. Loss is what I feel and yes, I feel afraid.
What’s next? Is there nothing that is safe anymore?
Fear gripped me again, in the pit of my stomach We already had lost so much in the last four years, my husband’s business, our family home, cars, jobs. I thought the bleeding was over?
It was as if this experiment scoffed at me. “Love? Who do you think you are to love what you do and the money you make? It will just leave you. It doesn’t last and it’s a stupid way to live. Fear is the only friend you have. Being afraid is what this life is all about. Fear is how you live. Wake up in fear. Go to bed in fear. Because then you’ll never be surprised about what’s going to happen next. Control your life with fear.”
I guess that’s a choice I could make. In fact it’s a choice I seem to have made unconsciously off and on most of my adult life. I have let “fear” make my decisions. Let’s make an accounting of what fear has brought to me?
1. Fear of losing my home…guess what happened? I lost it.
2. Fear of losing the law suit? Lost our life savings.
3. Fear of not making money doing what I love…got stuck
4. Fear of not being successful…….you got it… delay, delay, delay
The list can go on and on and on…..but the point is fear has always delivered a horrible result. After all this time, why do I even allow the fear into my life? Logic proves that it is harmful, toxic, and creates loss. Why do I allow “it” to stay in my conscious thoughts?
Yes, fear has opened the door once again. This time it’s another big fear. Fear of being poor. Fear of always losing what we have worked for. Fear of never realizing my dreams. Fear of being wrong.
Big fears, little fears….it doesn’t matter. “It” is always there. When I’m tired it gets even stronger and I want to give up. I don’t want to struggle with “it” anymore. And then I do something like wake up and blog. Or a friend calls and we talk. Or I get a message from someone that says, “I love you…I’m so glad you’re in my life.” I look at the words on this page and I see that “fear” is temporary. Fear is rooted in time. That’s where the word temporary comes from…temporal, time. Fear is part of the past or a prediction of the future.
Why would I want to live in the past, or spend my time predicting the future, when I know that my power lies in this present moment? Again, another good question. The only answer is that it’s a bad habit that I “think” my past fears will protect me from future mistakes. Past experiences are good, but they don’t allow for new experiences if that’s all I’m focused upon. “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve aways gotten.”
Present moments created my 200% increase in loving what I do and loving the money that I make. Can I remember that? Will I remember that? When? Oh yes, the answer is always in the NOW!
So how do I prepare for new experiences without the fear keeping me stuck, looking backward or terrified of what might happen? Love is the only answer because love is eternal. It is. It is the past, the present and the future. It is embracing. It moves me forward with Divine grace. Love is nourishing, comforting, supportive and fun! Love doesn’t keep me stuck. It’s a GOOD feeling. Love makes me happy. It makes me curious. I grow when I love. I experience beauty and truth when I love.
So if I tell myself the truth about fear, I see that it is a feeling that can bring me information. Sometimes it’s good information and sometimes it’s just a bad habit that the ego uses to keep me from moving forward. When I employ the energy of love, I see that fear needs to pass quickly through me, like the wind through the hole of a tree, swoosh!
I reach my arms out to feel the love comes from the earth through my branches and lets me reach towards the light of the heavens and showers glittering lights down through me. That’s the feeling of joy that I’m keeping with me all day. Corny? Airy fairy? Apparently not, because it’s the way fear leaves me. The first 45 days it was easy to love because I didn’t have a clue as to what would happen. I was just curious and had no attachment to the outcome. Now, I have an attachment as to how it will work. Attachment breeds fear. So now I have to employ a new tool that releases me from the attachment and the fear.
Fear and attachment to the outcome doesn’t bring me anything but unhappiness and limitation. These next 45 days will have to work differently because I’m already trying to predict the future results. Letting go of the attachment to the outcome is an exercise. Letting go of the fear is a process. But loving is the only answer.
1. I say YES to the fear.
2. I open a door and let the fear go, swoosh…like multi colored
butterflies, flying out the door.
3. I say YES to loving myself, Loving what I do and loving the money I
give and receive.
THANK YOU THANK YOu THANK YOU!